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Welcome to the... Forest
Welcome to the... Forest is the pilot episode of Venture: Spalding. Transcript * (Robert Jacob gets dropped off at Terrence's house by a vehicle.) * Robert Jacob: ...thanks, driver. * Driver: Any time, my man! * (The Driver drives off, leaving Robert standing in front of his house.) * Robert Jacob: Not so sure about this new lifestyle. Ah, whatever. * (Robert walks into Terrence's house. Cut to the interior. Terrence is playing the guitar.) * Terrence Jacob: Ah yeah, Robert, my bro! * Robert Jacob: Hey, Terry. * Terrence Jacob: What are you doing out of the big city? * Robert Jacob: Long story. Terrorist attack left my apartment in ruin. * Terrence Jacob: Damn, that's gotta suck. * Robert Jacob: Yeah, no sh*t Sherlock. * Terrence Jacob: (Noticing his suitcase) What is that? * Robert Jacob: My coat? * Terrence Jacob: No, the case. * Robert Jacob: That's my briefcase. * Terrence Jacob: GIMME! * Robert Jacob: NO! It's full of all my- * (Terrence grabs the case and opens it.) * Robert Jacob: Hey! Don't spill my papers all over here. They're for a very special- * Terrence Jacob: Has it occurred to you that your office is miles away from here? * Robert Jacob: Well, I could drive... wait, scratch that. You got me. * Terrence Jacob: Yeah, we mostly just walk around here. I'll be giving you a tour of my house. * Robert Jacob: Thanks, I appreciate it. * Terrence Jacob: Okay, so we're in the living room. The bedroom is to the left, and the bathroom is to the right. * Robert Jacob: Ah, not so different from my apartment after all! * Terrence Jacob: Yeah, but this might be an issue. * Robert Jacob: Can't be too big of one. Fill me in. * Terrence Jacob: Well... there's no pipes. * Robert Jacob: Excuse me? * Terrence Jacob: No toilet, sink, or shower. You wash by the lake and poop in a bucket. * Robert Jacob: NO. Nope. I'm outta here. * (Robert tries to walk out, but Terrence stops him.) * Terrence Jacob: Once you're in this life, you're in it for good. * Robert Jacob: UGH. * Prisco Jacob: (Faintly) Bare, you son of a- (crashing sound.) * Robert Jacob: Uh... who is that? * Terrence Jacob: Well... he's our neighbor. * Robert Jacob: I don't think I want to meet him. * Terrence Jacob: You don't really have a choice. * Robert Jacob: Fine. Let's just say hello. * (The two of them go up the rope to Prisco's house, then enter.) * Prisco Jacob: DON'T MAKE ME GET THE- * Terrence Jacob: Hey, Pris. * Prisco Jacob: HI BLONDE GUY. Who new person? * Terrence Jacob: This is my brother, Robert. * Robert Jacob: Yeah, uh... I'm new around here. * Prisco Jacob: NOOB! BARE, THIS GUY NOOB. * Robert Jacob: (Sigh) Figured as much. * Prisco Jacob: I gonna throw show for you. * Robert Jacob: Okay, I guess? * (Cut to the brick road to Robert's house, with a table set up.) * Prisco Jacob: This one called Killing Trial. * Robert Jacob: ...oh. * Terrence Jacob: I don't think I've seen this one yet. * Prisco Jacob: First, we get wood. * (Prisco Jacob places a bunch of stakes on the ground.) * Prisco Jacob: Next, plates. * (Prisco Jacob places some plates on the stakes.) * Prisco Jacob: TADA! * Terrence Jacob: Yeah! Woohoo! * Prisco Jacob: Act 2. Flip. * (Prisco tries to pull the tablecloth off of the table, but simply rips it.) * Prisco Jacob: OOPS. * (Prisco flips the tablecloth upwards, causing all the items to fly up.) * Prisco Jacob: TADA. * (A pie lands on his head.) * Prisco Jacob: Done. * Terrence Jacob: YEAH! That was awesome! * (Cut back to Terrence's house. Robert is sleeping on the floor.) * Robert Jacob: Are you sure I'll get used to this? * Terrence Jacob: Yeah- after a while. Sorry that there's only one bed. * (Cut back to day. Robert Jacob and Terrence are walking outside.) * Robert Jacob: So... how's about I try and get used to the layout of this town? * Terrence Jacob: Yeah, it'll really help you in the long shot. * (Cut to Prisco Jacob in a tree branch, he is holding a pot.) * Prisco Jacob: I'm gonna kill the noob. * (Prisco Jacob drops the pot, which narrowly avoids hitting Robert Jacob.) * Prisco Jacob: DAMMIT! * (Prisco Jacob falls down, landing in front of Robert and Terrence.) * Robert Jacob: PRISCO? * Prisco Jacob: What? * Robert Jacob: Did you try to kill me? * Prisco Jacob: No. * Robert Jacob: Then why did you say "I'm gonna kill the noob,"? * Prisco Jacob: Oh. * Robert Jacob: Don't you ever try to kill me again. I'll get the authorities if you do. (Looks to Terrence) Uh, they do have authorities here, right? * Terrence Jacob: Now, this town isn't full of cavemen, is it? * Robert Jacob: Poop. Bucket. * Terrence Jacob: Eh... fair point. * Robert Jacob: Alright, shall we? * Terrence Jacob: Uh... shall we what? * Robert Jacob: Take a walk? * Terrence Jacob: Oh, yeah. * (Cut to the fountain.) * Terrence Jacob: This is the Grand Fountain, or the "lake", as I like to call it. * Robert Jacob: So this is where we get our water. I'm guessing this is also what we pour our piss into? * Terrence Jacob: Ha ha ha ha ha... no. You throw it out the window. * Robert Jacob: At least I'm not pouring someone's excrement into my mouth. * Terrence Jacob: Anyways, I gotta show you how to get water! (Grabs a bucket) This is your water bucket. You scoop it in. (Terrence does so) And then bring it home. The walk back will probably get you thirsty. * Robert Jacob: What if I already am thirsty? * Terrence Jacob: Then you take a sip. * Robert Jacob: Maybe you're not as crazy as I thought you were, after all. * (Cut to the mine.) * Terrence Jacob: This is the quarry. We imprison the nastiest of people here, forcing them into labor eternally. * Robert Jacob: Oh... * Terrence Jacob: It's also where we hire people who just want to do some mining and have a good time. * Robert Jacob: Phew, that's also an option. * Cyan Jacob: Hello, Terrence. And you must be- * Robert Jacob: Robert. I'm new here. * Cyan Jacob: Ah, yes. I see a good citizen in you. You probably won't have to work here. Unless you want to, like me. * Robert Jacob: That'd be cool and all, but I'm kind of just on a tour around these parts. * Cyan Jacob: Good to know, there's a lot around here. * Terrence Jacob: I'll show you to the marketplace and other stuff sometime later, Rob. Now should really just be time for us to rest. * Robert Jacob: Sounds like a plan. * (Cut back to Terrence's house.) * Terrence Jacob: So... Robby? * Robert Jacob: Yeah? * Terrence Jacob: You think I could form a band. * Robert Jacob: It's debatable. You seem like the kind of guy that could pull it off, but you also have a Bionicle arm, and you probably don't want much stress on it. * Terrence Jacob: Eh... I want to be a guitarist, but I don't want my arm falling off every gig. * (Cut to Prisco Jacob's house. He is reading a book called How to Live.) * Prisco Jacob: Okay, now I gotta read. Step 1: Be born. Done that. Step 2: School. Been there. Step 3: Live. Doing it. Step 4: Die. * (Prisco Jacob jumps out of his house, screaming. He lands on the roof of Terrence's house, smashing it open.) * Robert Jacob: ...you weren't trying to kill me again, were you? * Prisco Jacob: Did I die? * Terrence Jacob: ...no? * Prisco Jacob: AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I DIDN'T DIE!!! I. HATE. LIFE!!!! * (Prisco Jacob climbs back up the rope, then viciously attacks How to Live and Teddy Bare.) * Prisco Jacob: I. WANT. TO. DIE. * Terrence Jacob: Wait. (Pan down) You want to kill yourself? * Prisco Jacob: YEAH! * Terrence Jacob: Well, suicide is illegal here, so you'll probably be sentenced to work in the mines for attempting it. * Prisco Jacob: F**K YOU! I'M GOING TO DIE AND FINISH MY LIFE. * (Cut to the mines. Prisco gets dropped off there by a vehicle.) * Cyan Jacob: Why is this dude here? * Driver: He wants to die. Probably going insane. * (Vehicle flies off.) * Prisco Jacob: So I can no die? * Cyan Jacob: No... * Prisco Jacob: FINE! I STUCK ON STEP 3 AND I NO CARE... how do I get out? * Cyan Jacob: When you mentally repair yourself. * Prisco Jacob: Okay. What do to repair me? * Cyan Jacob: You gotta mine some rocks. It really takes all the troubles away from your life. * Prisco Jacob: OH, OKAY! (Prisco punches Cyan across the face.) MINE ROCK! * (Prisco grabs a pickaxe, then hits a rock.) * Prisco Jacob: ROCK NO BREAK. * (Prisco keeps hitting the rock, until his pickaxe cracks.) * Prisco Jacob: ROCK STILL NO BREAK! * (Prisco throws the boulder at Cyan, causing him to fall to the ground, bleeding.) * Prisco Jacob: THROW ROCK FUN! * (Prisco Jacob grabs another boulder, then throws it across the mine. Cut to a troll having a dinner party.) * Miner: Yo, this party is lit AF. * (The rock hits the souffle at the table. The troll gets mad, throws his wine glass, then runs over to Prisco.) * Prisco Jacob: WHERE ROCK GO? * Troll: GRRRRRRRRR... YOU RUINED MY SOUFFLE! * (The troll is about to punch Prisco, but he grabs the troll's fist and throws it out of the mine.) * Prisco Jacob: DON'T FIGHT PRISCO! * (Prisco runs over, grabs a wine glass, and then runs back to Cyan, who now has a large bandage on his head. Prisco then throws the glass at him, causing even more bleeding.) * Prisco Jacob: OOPS! * (Prisco then turns and runs away from the mine, back to the town. Cut to Terrence's house.) * Terrence Jacob: If we're gonna have a band, where should our first gig be? * Prisco Jacob: ME NO WANT TO DIE ANYMORE! * Terrence Jacob: Well, as long as you don't want to hurt yourself, I'm okay with you. * Prisco Jacob: YAY! * (Prisco Jacob grabs the pie from before, then takes a bite of it.) * Prisco Jacob: YUM! ME NEED MORE PIE! * (Prisco runs out of the house.) * Terrence Jacob: Now, as I was saying, where should our first gig be? * Robert Jacob: Shouldn't we decide on whose in our band first? * Terrence Jacob: Good point. * (Prisco runs back with a pie encased in an ice cube.) * Prisco Jacob: MORE PIE! * Robert Jacob: Uh... * Terrence Jacob: Maybe let that once thaw for a bit? * (Everyone looks at each other, then laughs.)